Now that I am entering my 80th decade on this fragile planet, my thoughts seem to dwell more intermittently on my beloved dead. Passing before me is my son, Jimmy, my sister, Peggy, best friend, Yvonne, and of course, both parents, Ruth and John, plus others whom I have loved and have loved me. Sometimes I have conversations with them—basically one-sided—but I try to let them know that the love is still there, that they are important in my life. There is a thin veil between this life and the next. Not long after the death of my son, both the dog and I were awakened from a deep sleep to the sounds of Jimmy’s auto-harp playing. It did not frighten me but did make me sad. Just as that next Christmas how I awakened to find the Christmas tree lights on, knowing full well I had unplugged them. When I went into the room to unplug them again, the rocking chair was gently rocking. None of the experiences I have had with my dearly departed have been frightening. It does bring melancholy but also strangely, gladness that my loved one is near. This is a transition time for them, the days or months after dying. It is not easy to leave this Earthly life behind. Unsettled issues may make that transition difficult. So I pray for them, that God be with them and give them comfort and joy and help them find their place. I asked God to give Jimmy an important job and to protect him from evil. You do not stop worrying about your child even if he has gone on before you. You want him to be with goodness and light. You pray. I remember Aunt Onie (Leona) saying she prayed for me every time she turned around when I was driving a large U-Haul truck from Maine to Indiana. Her prayers undoubtedly saved my life many times. I had never driven a large vehicle and there were untold close calls. She has passed but I still send her prayers of thanks. Clyde, Gertrude (my Grandmother), Margaret, Ruth (my Mother), kneeling, Mary Ellen and Leona (missing from photo, Juanita) God’s guidance and protection has been a blessing for many years. If one has been falsely accused of something heinous, there are those who determine, without lie detector tests or investigation of the accusers, that falsehoods about a lone woman were told using her as a scapegoat to offset their own criminal activity. Plus, after years of investigation there is no proof, yet it is decided that the person is guilty. They, with what they feel is justification, will do all in their power to bring about illness, stress and death. My last article about “pocket equality” illustrates a little of what women have experienced through the ages. This inequality extends far beyond pockets! However, it is with a light heart that I think about the fledgling Cardinal. The blackberries were just ripening and I noticed a male and female Cardinal close to the bushes. “Well,” I thought, “I will just go eat what I can of the blackberries before you two glean the bushes!” I was savoring one of the few unpecked berries, but noticed that the Cardinals had not flown away. They were nearby, on the roof of the shed and on the fence behind me. I turned to see their fledgling caught in some netting I had put over the blueberry bushes. He was terribly entangled. It was over and under both wings, around his feet, and tight around his neck and body. I had a pocket knife and began to cut the netting but it was obvious that the knife was not sharp enough to cut the netting on his body. I would harm him internally or break his newly feathered wings in trying to save him. I decided to cut the netting that was out away from him, holding it secure so as not to pull it against his tender body. Once I got the baby free, I had to take him inside to get some sharp scissors to cut the netting away from all his fragile body parts. I wondered if his parents would think I was taking him away forever and hurried back outside as soon as I could, with him free but cupped in my hands. No, Mom and Pop Cardinal were still there. I attempted to put him on a branch of the oak but he fell, fluttering to the ground. I went back to the deck and watched, leaving the fledgling on the ground. Mama Cardinal came and fed him almost immediately. I don’t know how they coaxed him away and behind the shed. He must have been exhausted from his struggles with the net. But I heard him demanding more food. I could only pray that I had not hurt him. Recently, I saw a male and female Cardinal flying in the back yard with a motley feathered youngster in their wake. My heart did rejoice. When writing this, I had no idea that there is old folklore that harkens, “When a Cardinal appears in your yard, it is a visitor from heaven.” Or that Native Americans also felt the importance of the Cardinal. It differs from tribe to tribe but most believe that Cardinals hold a strong connection to their ancestors. How appropriate to become aware of these connections. I have joy and sorrow in my life as there is with everyone. All of us have problems of one kind or another. Yet there are moments of grace and gladness to temper the pain. The touch of a hand, the warmth of a hug, the call or text from a friend. Gifts of light and love. These do much to ameliorate the vacancies. As this 80th decade commences, I send prayers of thankfulness for the incredibly compassionate people who have befriended me, who check on me and are there if I need them. My heartfelt thanks to Montreva and Diane. Prayers overwhelm me with deep gratitude for the family and friends who have been a part of my life, and those who have gone before me. I send prayers of thankfulness for God’s grace. A part of a prayer from the Book of Common Prayer comes to mind which I am sure I have adapted, “…grant me strength and courage to love and serve you with gladness and singleness of heart…” [email protected] ©Ann Rains August, 2021
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